Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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