Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
