girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize