Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
