im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
