You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
