i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
