yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and she was petting her beer can
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
