you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He did a backflip because drugs
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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