I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
