In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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