Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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