What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
