I think i peed on brittanys purse
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
