Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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