You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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