Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
