pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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