Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
