Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
