i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
