Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
