Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
