had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
