He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
