1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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