can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
