Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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