I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
