Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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