I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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