Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
