Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
