Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
