I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize