I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
