You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
