My liver just broke up with me...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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