I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
