I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize