He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
