Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
