How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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