OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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