you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
