I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
