New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
