hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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