You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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