there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
