I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
