I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
