nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
