dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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