I puked a lego.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
