I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
