my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
