Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
