because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
