She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
