Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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