So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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