i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
