he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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