Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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