your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
