my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
