that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
accomplished twins. life is a go
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
