I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize