He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
