I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
