Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
3 2 1 whiskey
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
