well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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