Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
