are you still at the devil's house?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
