I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
