You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
