My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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