I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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