So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize