Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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