so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
