So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
