Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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