I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
