I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
