There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
