Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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