what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
