The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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