she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
