so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
