my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize