4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
