remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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